Ancient Greeks are still known for their contributions to philosophy and mythology, but they also developed several unique types of love. You may have heard about different types of love and there are different theories about it. However, one of the most common in popular culture are the types of love the began in ancient Greece.
By Marie Miguel
Let’s take a look at the 9 different types of love. But first, if you are struggling with your love life and your wellbeing or another person’s livelihood are suffering, then you may find therapy beneficial. Check out BetterHelp to learn more so that you can get back to interacting with others in a healthy way. Friends and loved ones are important, but relationships can sometimes be difficult.
Now, on to the 9 types of love defined by ancient Greeks. While many experts only recognize 7 or 8 of the unique types, there are 9 Greek terms to define the separate types of love that we all may feel throughout a full and complete lifetime.
Eros
Eros is the Greek God of love and fertility who was the child od Aphrodite, the goddess of love, beauty, passion, and procreation, and Ares, the god of war. Eros was one of the Erotes, which is a group of winged gods that are associated with sexual desire and the related love. They are often depicted in art and symbols as mischievous, nude troublemakers.
Each of the Erotes represents a different aspect of love and desire. Aneros is the god of mutual love. This is returned love to one who loves you. Himeros is the god of unrequited love and Pothos is the god of yearning. Finally, there is Hedylogos depicted in Greek art as the god of flirting or sweet talking.
Eros is characterized by passionate and romantic love, often of a physical nature. This means it is the type of love surrounding sexual passions and experiences. It is also associated with lust and a loss of control in some cases.
Ancient Greeks were afraid of this type of love because it can overwhelm a person’s character. While we have an instinctual desire to procreate, this love can be powerful and make us lose our senses and ability to manage our own actions and behaviors.
Some people believe that Eros burns bright and passionately but does not last. This is because it is based on desire and lust instead of true feelings. However, it is not wholly negative and is an important part of healthy romantic relationships.
Philia
Philia is affectionate love, or the type of love characterized by close friendships. Plato felt that physical attraction was not necessary for love. This is why we use the term platonic to mean the love that is found in friendships that do not have any sexual or physical attraction or lust.
This type of love is very important. In fact, some believe it to be just as important as romantic love. Philia is often characterized by love between people with shared interests that believe each other to be equals.
One aspect of philia or friendship is mutual goodwill. Aristotle believed that a person could bear goodwill to another person for at least one of three different reasons. These reasons are that he is useful, that he is pleasant, or that he is good, rational, and virtuous. Friendships founded on goodness or virtue are known to be dependable, trustworthy, and beneficial. They offer companionship and lasting friendship.
Plato believed that this type of love, philia, was born out of eros. Then, it also feeds back into eros and strengthens it. This transforms eros from a lust for possession into a desire to reach a shared and mutual level of understanding about the self, the other, and the world as a whole.
Philia love can help friends pursue a fulfilling and meaningful life by being authentic with one another. This also involves teaching each other about potential limitations on character and belief systems. Because of this, friends act in some ways as a therapist and these friendships often include openness and a lack of judgment.
Agape
Agape is selfless love that is universal or unconditional. Compared with other types, this one is a little more difficult to grasp. This is the type of love that we have for nature or God. It is a love that is larger than us and is full of limitless empathy and compassion that you extend outward to everyone from friends and family to strangers.
Altruistic generosity can often fit into agape love as well. Some ancient Greeks thought that agape was a radical concept. In some ways, it is radical, because a lot of people do not seem to feel agape for a prolonged period of time.
Some people include spiritual love within the parameters of agape as well. A loving prophet had agape for all existence with selflessness and care. This could mean that some agape also relates to caring for others more than you care for yourself.
Altruistic actions and generosity can make us feel good about ourselves as well. These types of actions and behaviors can even supply us with a feeling of euphoria. Generosity and altruism can improve your well-being and mental health. So why not go out and lend a helping hand?
Agape can also help us build a social and psychological structure that helps to enrich and protect our lives. While it can sometimes be easy to dismiss acts of agape when we look at all the negativity in the world, there are small acts of compassion that fit this type of love every day all over the world.
Storge
Storge, or familiar love, is similar to philia, but is the love between family members, particularly parents and their children. It is often born out of dependance and is not structured as much on personal qualities or ideals. Instead, it is the asymmetrical, yet unwavering love between familial roles.
In some instances, storge is also characterized by allegiance to a country or team. Patriotism is familial in a way and love for one’s country could be storge. That is, in fact, if that patriotism is actually based on love at all.
As with philia, there is not any physical attraction in storge. It does include a strong bond of kinship between people. Sometimes, unconditional storge is expected from romantic interests, but only eros or, later on, philia are available. If a romantic relationship develops and matures for long enough, however, then it may evolve into storge.
Mania
Mania refers to obsessive love and it often wholly negative and unhealthy. It relates to stalking behaviors, co-dependance, jealousy, paranoia, and toxicity. It can lead to madness and angry outbursts. It occurs when the balance of eros, sexual love, and ludus, playful love, are not in accordance with one another.
This type of love often impacts people who have low self-esteem because they are so afraid of loving the person that they love that they become manic or crazy. This type of love can destroy relationships in some cases.
While the feeling that another person completes you may seem good, it can actually lead to co-dependance and the loss of your sense of self. This can lead to mania and obsessive behaviors. The result is a toxic or unhealthy relationship.
Ludus
Ludus is playful love. This could refer to having a playful, flirty relationship with a crush and is commonly seen in young love. It is best described as infatuation at the beginning of a budding romantic relationship.
This playful love is characterized by butterflies in the stomach and giddiness when you see them or even think about the other person. You may have intrusive thoughts about them or a desire to be with them all the time.
Many of the aspects of this type of love are caused by the release of dopamine and other neurotransmitters in the brain. These things light up the brain and make us feel euphoric and excited.
Ludus is also associated with uncommitted feelings. It can involve dancing, dating, seducing, flirting, and more. Typically, it revolves around fun and can be a healthy form of casual relationship. However, it can be long lasting or even evolve into other forms of love.
Sometimes one person in the relationship mistakes the ludus for eros, when it resembles philia more closely. This can lead to problems because the partners are not on the same page as far as the future of the relationship is concerned.
Pragma
Pragma is enduring love. This love involves commitment, understanding, and long-term interests for both parties. This is a mature love that is reliant on compromises and patience for lasting satisfaction and mutual understanding.
This is much different than eros and sometimes referred to as the opposite of sexual love. Eros burns brightly, but fades quickly, whereas pragma is practical and develops over a prolonged period of time.
Married couples who have been together for years and still have strong feelings for one another could be said to practice pragma love. This is a rarer type of love. People may grow apart or believe that their lives would be better in a different situation, which can end relationships before the reach the point of attaining pragma, or enduring love.
While it may be easy to believe that it requires a lot of effort to get to the pragma stage, after you get there, not much effort is involved because both people in the relationship are comfortable with making compromises and care for one another’s happiness. It is often based on long-term interests and duty.
Pragma can co-exist with ludus because these types of love complement each other. This can form a lasting, loving, mutually beneficial relationship. It is also the type of love many people crave as they get older.
Philautia
Self-love is important and ancient Greeks seemed to understand that self-love, or philautia, was crucial in learning how to develop other types of love. While self-love can be healthy, many people associate it with hubris and narcissism. Nobody wants to be selfish, but it is still important to love yourself and these negative aspects are not what Greeks meant by philautia.
It may be better to think of self-love as self-compassion. Showing affection and compassion to yourself leads to healthy self-esteem and well-being. However, it can be dangerous if this self-interest is taken to a level to inflate your own arrogance. This can create conflict and injustice among other negative things.
Healthy self-esteem is important for building relationships, accomplishing goals, and enjoying activities. Self-esteem is not related to things like social or financial status. Instead, it is a feeling of self-love similar to philautia.
Xenia
Xenia is the final type of love defined by ancient Greeks. Xenia is the type of love involved in hospitality and welcoming guests. It is related to generosity and reciprocity. Welcoming guests and being hospitable to them changes depending on culture, but most places welcome this type of love.
Why is Love Important?
Humans are social creatures, and we often crave love in our lives. There are also some great benefits to health and well-being associated with love. While it is certainly okay to not have romantic or sexual love, like eros or ludus, in your life, it can be beneficial to have some form of love whether it is with family, like storge, or friends, philia.
Love can help us reduce stress and having a support system can help us deal with challenges that may come our way. Love can be comforting and help us relax because it takes some of the worry off of us. We can help to ease some of our partner’s or friends’ worry and vice versa instead of having to carry our own load and burden by ourselves.
In addition, it seems that social interaction itself could be great for reducing stress levels. Friends and loved ones can also provide a beneficial distraction from our mundane routine or stressful daily lives. They can also offer guidance when we do not know what we want to do about a difficult or challenging situation or experience.
There is also evidence that love can help to reduce symptoms associated with depression. It reduces isolation and may help to balance out brain chemicals that can make us happier. While sometimes we want to be alone, it is also great to feel loved and cared for.
There are also some physical benefits of love. It appears that a loving relationship with someone can reduce blood pressure. This could be great for relaxing and improving heart health. Married people tend to have a lower risk of cardiovascular disease as well. There may even be benefits to the immune system and gut health.
Love can also help to reduce pain in some cases. This is because it increases activity in the brain that is related to the control of pain. People in love report less back pain and headaches occurrences than those who claim that they are not in love or married.
Love can also help you get better sleep. This may be related to the reduction in stress associated with love. This can be great for overall health and mental and physical well-being.
Finally, people involved in loving relationships, both marriage and friendships, have a longer life-expectancy than those who are not involved in healthy relationships. Love may reduce the chance of developing cancer, pneumonia, or having a cardiac event such as a heart attack.
When we have someone, we love to care for us, then they will be concerned about our well-being. They may insist that we visit a doctor when we would not have done so if we were single or did not have loving, caring friends and family members. This could lead to better health as well.
Finding and Practicing Love
While love may be difficult to find, at least pragma love, there are some things you can do to encourage and foster healthy loving relationships with the people in your life or to meet others who could be a loving companion whether they are friends, romantic interests, or family.
It is important to be open. This means open to different types of relationships as well as open to unique feelings or new experiences. Being open to different people and situations increases the likelihood that you will find someone to love in some form.
Once you have a relationship budding, it is good to apologize and communicate with care. A lot of couples and friends have difficulty communicating because it involves speaking your mind and being assertive, while also caring about the other person’s feelings and reactions. Active listening is an important aspect of communication as well.
It can always help to let someone know you care about them. While it may not be easy to just come out and say it, there are more subtle ways to let them know you care as well. Offer to do something for a friend or coworker or even buy them a thoughtful gift. Being kind and compassionate can help you go a long way in life and to build healthy relationships.
Showing affection is also important. This is true of any loving relationship, but the type of affection will be much different for eros than it would be for philia. However, for any type of healthy love, it is important. For some it could be a hug or a high-five, for others it may just be a concern for them when they are sick or going through a difficult experience.
Cultivating self-love is as important as anything as well. Positive self-love and self-esteem can help you work through challenges in a healthy way. It can help you overcome adversity and cope with negative thoughts and feelings.
Having a positive self-loving perspective can help you celebrate yourself and be open to other people’s differences. If you feel good about yourself, you are probably more likely to be able to form loving relationships with other people and develop some form of love with them. This is because you value and respect yourself when you have healthy self-love.
If you do not have healthy self-love or self-esteem, then it may be best to work on that first before you work on constructing or developing other loving relationships. Part of doing this is by focusing on your thought patterns to identify negative aspects of your thinking. Then, you can replace those negative aspects with positive thought processes.
You may also want to try to keep a gratitude journal. This allows you to write down all of the things that you are grateful for. You can even work to say thank you to at least one person every day for something that they did for you. This can foster a more positive perspective and encourages more self-love and optimism.
Loving-kindness meditation can be a good way to encourage an acceptance and love of the self. It can also reduce stress and anxiety levels and increase positive emotions. It is good for improving relationships with other people. Loving-kindness meditation is characterized by meditation while simultaneously focusing on a person that you love or care about. This allows you to present positive feelings and desire for them to be well, happy, and loved.
Finally, when you reach a conflict with a person that you love, it is important to face it with a leveled head and a reasonable mind. Arguing can be normal, but it is also important to communicate. Try to address conflict before too long because avoiding it can lead to worsening problems and distrust.
Conclusion
There are a lot of different types of love and if you had never thought about it, you may have already realized that you love your family and friends differently than you love a romantic partner. Some of the loves, like mania, can be wholly negative. However, it can be very good for overall mood and well-being to have positive love like pragma or philia in our lives. However, the first step towards developing love with others is to develop a love for ourselves.
Marie Miguel Biography
Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health- related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with BetterHelp.com. With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to specifically target subjects related to anxiety and depression.
